Protocol
Get their perspective before trusting your imagined version
Your convincing inner monologue still has only one author.
When it fits
- You are about to act on an assumption about another person's preferences.
When to avoid it
- An answer can be incomplete, and some conversations are unsafe. Respect privacy and do not demand access to another person's motives.
Why it matters
Ask the person how they see the situation and compare their answer with your assumption. Imagining their perspective can generate a hypothesis, but research does not support treating that imagination as reliable access to their mind.
Steps
- State the uncertainty without presenting your guess as a fact.
- Ask a neutral question and leave room for an unexpected answer.
- Revise the plan when their stated preference differs from yours.
An example
Instead of arranging a surprise celebration because a friend must want one, ask what kind of acknowledgment would feel welcome.
Check your result
The decision uses information the other person actually supplied.
Keep this limit in mind
- An answer can be incomplete, and some conversations are unsafe. Respect privacy and do not demand access to another person's motives.
Evidence and sources
Supports
Imagined perspective-taking did not consistently improve interpersonal accuracy, whereas obtaining the other person's perspective through conversation helped in the tested setting.
Conversation can also be incomplete or unsafe, and self-reports are not infallible.
Perspective mistaking: Accurately understanding the mind of another requires getting perspective, not taking perspective · Abstract and opening account