Protocol
Let the other account exist before you rebut it
Understanding an account is not the same as accepting it.
When it fits
- A difficult conversation becomes alternating corrections and neither side can state the other's view accurately.
When to avoid it
- Do not use 'listening' to pressure someone into a conversation that is unsafe or inappropriate.
Why it matters
Give the other person uninterrupted space to describe their sequence, concern and desired outcome. Summarise what you heard and ask what you missed before presenting your disagreement. Then identify which parts are shared facts, disputed facts or different interpretations.
Steps
- Each side can recognise its main concern in the other's summary before the discussion moves to solution.
An example
Two colleagues agree that a deadline changed but disagree about whether the change was communicated; that disputed point can now be checked.
Check your result
Each side can recognise its main concern in the other's summary before the discussion moves to solution.
Keep this limit in mind
- Do not use 'listening' to pressure someone into a conversation that is unsafe or inappropriate.
Connected ideas
Useful withSplit the conflict into shared facts, disputed facts and interpretations
Evidence and sources
Acas informal-meeting guidance recommends preparing what to say, gathering relevant evidence, considering what would fix the problem, listening to the other side and recording what is agreed.
A workplace meeting may carry legal or policy requirements beyond these general practices.
Informal meetings · Preparing; at the meeting; putting things in writing
Acas mediator guidance describes hearing participants separately, allowing each account without interruption in a joint meeting, summarising areas of agreement and disagreement, and checking that any agreement is workable and recorded.
This is a mediation process example, not a claim that every difficult conversation requires these stages.
How Acas mediators work · Separate meeting; Joint meeting; If you reach an agreement